Listen to your heart
by GendryaCaesar
Summary: Harry is in love with his guardian, Remus Lupin, but he thinks Remus will reject him and comes up with a plan to convince Remus that they should be lovers. HPRL slash.
1. Chapter 1

Harry lay in bed on a particularly stormy night, listening to the rain and thinking of his guardian, Remus Lupin, who was just down the hall in his bedroom. For months he had been obsessing over Remus, fantasizing about him in a very unplatonic way.

He loved Remus, was very much in love with him. But Remus was stubborn, he was a werewolf and this was just one of the many reasons he would reject Harry. Remus loved him, Harry knew that, really he did. He wanted Remus, needed him.

Tears streamed down Harry's cheeks as he rolled over in bed. Why couldn't Remus feel the same way about him? Harry wasn't asking for a mansion (though Lupin Manor was a mansion), or a million dollars. He just wanted Remus to love him, to be Remus' lover. But all he was to Remus was a son, nothing more.

"Remus," Harry whimpered as he grabbed his throbbing erection. "Remus, please..." He came into his pants and grabbed a washcloth out of his nightstand to clean himself up before falling into a deep sleep.

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"So, I was thinking," said Remus the next morning as they sat down for breakfast. "Would you like to invite the Weasleys and Hermione over for dinner tonight?"

Harry brightened. It was the summer after fourth year, and he hadn't seen his friends in weeks. "That'd be brilliant!" He took a bit of his pancakes, finding he couldn't keep a grin off his face. Maybe seeing Ron and Hermione would temporarily keep his mind off things. "Could we play a game pf Quidditch, too?"

"As long as it doesn't involve me," Remus replied. He wasn't very fond of brooms, though he would go on one if necessary.

"Aw, please Remy?" Harry begged. He'd made a goal to get Remus on a broom, even if just once and briefly before Remus freaked out.

"No thanks."

"Please?"

"Again, no. And for the last time, _no_. I just wasn't meant for Quidditch," Remus decided.

"I took a lot of convincing to try out," Harry informed him. "Hermione eventually got both me and Ron to join." Then again, maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. Being in love with the man who raised you had its fair share of cons, and Remus might eventually feel something poking him while they were on the broom, assuming they shared one. Of course that would probably be the best idea, since Remus knew nothing about Quidditch or brooms. "Okay fine, you don't have to," Harry quickly told him.

"Thank you," Remus said, getting up then and putting his plate and silverware in the sink. "I'm going to go Floo the Weasleys." As Remus left Harry turned in his chair, watching the man leave. _He has such a nice arse_, thought Harry, turning around in his chair again to finish eating._ I wonder what it would be like to-_

"Harry?" Remus poked his head around the doorway. "We've run out of Floo powder. Do you know if we have any more?"

"Um, in the library I think," Harry answered. Remus left and Harry stood. He really needed a cold shower.

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Harry needed a plan. This couldn't keep going on.

Standing under the cold water, Harry tried to come up with a way to tell Remus. _A letter. No, I'm not a coward. Remus deserves to hear it in person. Ask Hermione to tell him tonight. _The thought made his heart drop into his stomach. _No, too soon, besides that would also make me a coward. He needs to hear it from me. Tell him I'm gay and then tell him. Maybe. Vaguely flirt with him until he gets the idea, and then come out to him and tell him. _

Yes.

Perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

That night Harry helped Remus make dinner. They were having spaghetti and meatballs, Remus was in charge of the noodles while Harry was in charge of the meatballs. Unfortunately for Remus, when Harry reached for the sprayer in the sink he couldn't get it to work. "Hey Moony, how do you turn this on?" asked Harry, pressing down the handle harder. Of course the water sprayed Remus right in the face.

Harry cringed. "Got it."

"I can see that," said Remus.

"Ooh, you can see?" Harry joked, grinning.

"I can't! Well, I guess I'll go dry off. Watch the noodles for me while I'm gone." The minute he left Harry burst out laughing, but if he laughed hard enough he made no sound and this was to his advantage now.

"I know you're laughing!" Remus called from upstairs.

Harry froze and kept an eye on the noodles as well as his meatballs, and Remus came back downstairs wearing a black long-sleeved shirt. _Sexy_, thought Harry just as the doorbell rang.

"Oh no," said Harry. "Dinner's not ready yet!"

Remus grinned, that reminded him a bit of Lily though of course he knew that Harry was not his parents. "It's all right, Harry, I'll finish while you go catch up with Ron and Hermione."

"Thank you Remy!" Harry rejoiced, hugging Remus before going to the door and opening it.

"Hello, Harry dear," said Mrs. Weasley, engulfing him in one of her famous bone-crushing hugs. "

"Hello Mrs. Weasley," Harry greeted her, and grinned even wider when he saw Ron and Hermione.

"Harry," Hermione said, and hugged Harry as well.

Ron clapped Harry on the shoulder. "How've you been, mate?"

"Brilliant," Harry said truthfully. "Remus is wonderful. I missed you guys though. How's your summer been so far?"

And so they headed into the living room and talked about what had happened since the end of term until Remus called them in for dinner. Harry sat between Remus and Hermione, and the adults were deep in conversation, talking about the Order and if Remus was going to join, when Harry suddenly got an idea. He grinned and rubbed his foot against Remus', causing his guardian to gasp and almost drop his fork.

"Harry, _what_ are you doing?" Remus hissed into his ear.

Harry moved his foot up Remus' leg, giving Remus an innocent look. "What?"

Remus sighed, not wanting to talk about it in front of everybody. Harry smiled, his plan was working. "We will talk after everyone leaves," he whispered.

Harry smiled seductively at Remus and went back to his conversation with Hermione and Ron, and Remus went back to his conversation with the adults.

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Dinner seemed to take forever. When it was finally over and the Weasleys and Hermione left, Harry was doing his summer homework in the living room when Remus came in. "Harry," he said, "we need to talk about earlier."

"What about earlier?" Harry asked innocently.  
"You were flirting, Harry," said Remus. "With me." He sat down beside Harry on the couch. "I need to know, do you have a crush on me?"

Harry sighed, knowing he was never going to be able to concentrate on his Transfiguration homework. "No."

"Don't lie to me Harry, it's okay to have a crush on me," Remus reassured him.

Harry looked up at him, emerald eyes filled with shame. "You're not disgusted?"

Remus smiled. "Of course not." He wrapped his arms around Harry and Harry hugged him back tightly, inhaling Remus' scent.

"So does this mean we can be together?" Harry asked hopefully after pulling back.

Remus sighed. "I'm sorry, Harry," he said. "I have very strong feelings for you, but it would be inappropriate if we were together."

A lump formed in Harry's throat. "Please," he begged, caressing Remus' face.

Remus closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "Harry, don't," he protested weakly.

Harry smiled, Remus was giving in. If he kissed Remus right now, touched him, he wouldn't be able to say no. He leaned forward and captured Remus' lips with his own in a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around his guardian's neck. Remus moaned softly and began to kiss him back, and Harry smiled into the kiss. He opened his mouth and allowed Remus to explore it, and he whimpered when Remus sucked on his tongue.

As the kiss was growing heated, Remus suddenly gasped and broke their kiss. "Harry, oh God…I am a horrible guardian." He flushed a bright red and got up, quickly fleeing the room.

"So that's how it's going to be," said Harry thoughtfully.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you want on your pancakes, Harry?"

"Um…whatever you have is fine…blueberries I guess."

Every day went like this, casual, as if they hadn't kissed a few days ago. Well, in reality it was almost a week, and Harry couldn't take it anymore. Remus acted as if it had never happened. It had been a wonderful kiss, better than kissing Parvati Patil, whom he had taken out at the end of term, or Hannah Abbott or Cho Chang, and Remus had kissed him back before he realized what was happening. Harry knew he had. The werewolf was just too _stubborn. _

He kept flirting with Remus, Remus ignored Harry's flirting and Harry had no idea what else to do. He knew Remus had feelings for him, he had admitted as much. There had to be some other way for Harry to win Remus' heart.

It was a Monday morning, Remus was making breakfast and he called Harry into the kitchen when it was ready. "Remus?" said Harry nervously as he sat down and Remus brought the food over to the table.

"Yes?"

"I want to talk about…the other night," Harry stammered, blushing as he remembered the feeling of Remus' soft lips touching his. His head began to spin.

"What about it?" asked Remus, sitting down across from Harry and refusing to meet his eyes.

"If you have feelings for me," Harry said, "why won't you act on them?"

"It could get us in trouble, Harry," Remus told him. "The Ministry could take you away from me. Do you want that?"

"I want _you_, Remus," he insisted. "All I've ever wanted is you."

Remus smiled sadly and reached for his hand. "I want you, too, Harry," he confessed. "Believe me."

"Then have me," Harry pleaded.

Remus blushed. "It's not just the Ministry, as you well know," he went on. "I am thirty eight, and you're just fourteen. I raised you. What would people think? What would your friends think? Not to mention Molly would kill me."

"No, she wouldn't," Harry protested, stroking Remus' fingers. "I wouldn't let her. And I don't care what my friends think."

"I'm not sure about this," he said. "I really love you, Harry, more than just platonically. You have to believe me when I say that. But…"

"Please," Harry begged. "_Please_, Remus." He gave his guardian the most desperate look he could manage. "Will you at least go on a date with me? If you still don't want to be with me after that, then you don't have to. I won't push you. I won't even bring it up again."

Remus sighed in defeat. "All right."

Harry's smile could have lit up all of Privet Drive.

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That night, Harry stood in front of the tall mirror in his room, straightening his shirt for the ten millionth time. Everything had to be perfect for his date with Remus, everything except his hair, which he _could not _get to flatten out a bit even with gel he'd taken from Remus bathroom. He knew if he'd asked, Remus would have never let him borrow it, and his hair would be standing on end for their date.

"Ready?" Remus leaned against the open doorway, smiling at Harry.

Harry's heart swelled. "Just about."

That was when Remus saw his gel on the table. "Is that my gel?" He went over to Harry and picked it up, examining it more closely. "This _is _my gel."

"Don't be angry with me," Harry pleaded, "I just wanted to make everything perfect."

"Everything's already perfect, Harry," Remus said, putting the bottle of gel on the table and wrapping his arms around Harry's waist. "Remember how I used to have all those girlfriends?" Harry nodded. "I would have a new one almost every week, after one date they knew I was into someone else."

Harry felt a pang of guilt at that, but he was touched. "You really have feelings for me? You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"

"I really do," Remus insisted, brushing their lips together in a soft kiss. Harry made a small noise in the back of his throat and pressed his lips against Remus'.

"Remus," Harry whimpered, running his hands in Remus' hair. He'd always wanted to do that. Harry felt lightheaded, the emotions he felt for Remus were spinning in his head. "Remus…"

"Merlin, Harry…" Remus rested his forehead against Harry's and chuckled weakly. "If you keep saying my name like that I'll be tempted to skip the date altogether."

Harry smiled seductively at Remus. "I wouldn't mind at all," he said.


	4. Chapter 4

An hour later, Harry and Remus were sitting in a nice Thai restaurant in Muggle London, eating quietly. "Do you like the food?" Remus asked.

"It's delicious," Harry said. Remus reached for his hand and squeezed it, and Harry smiled at Remus. "Thank you for agreeing to go on a date with me."

Remus smiled back, obvious love in his eyes. "It's nothing."

"No, Remus, it means a lot to me," said Harry. He looked around to make sure no one else was watching and kissed Remus softly. "I love you," he said against Remus' lips.

"I love you very much, Harry," Remus murmured. He wanted to kiss Harry again, but he knew in front of the entire restaurant was probably not the best idea.

"So," said Harry. "How long have you had feelings for me?"

Remus hesitated. "Well, um…"

"You can tell me, Remus," Harry insisted. "You're not a pervert."

Remus smiled. "When you were eleven and I took you to the fairgrounds, and we went on the Ferris wheel…"

Harry grinned at the memory. "That was when?"

Remus chuckled. "And the ride jolted and you fell and I caught you," he added.

"Oh wow, I remember that," Harry said.

"What about you?" Remus asked, gazing lovingly into Harry's emerald eyes.

"It didn't really happen at a specific moment," he admitted. "I don't think I even knew right when I fell in love with you. It just gradually happened I guess, and then when I realized it…"

"What?" said Remus softly.

"I knew I could never have you," Harry finished. "It tore me apart."

Remus sighed. "Oh Harry, you should have told me."

"Think of it this way," Harry suggested. "If our roles were reversed, would you have told me?"

Remus smiled. "Probably not," he admitted. "Then again you're not very scary."

Harry smacked him on the head with their menu. "Oh, am I not?" he teased. "What about the time I snuck up behind you while you were standing on the high dive and pushed you off?"

"I can't _believe _you did that," Remus laughed. "I fell eleven feet."

"It was priceless," Harry added. "Oh, your face when you looked up at me from the water. Absolutely priceless."

Remus smiled. "I'm glad we're doing this," he said, stroking Harry's fingers.

"Me too," Harry agreed.

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Back at Lupin Manor, Remus shut the door behind them. "I have to admit," he said, "that was the best date I've been on in a long time."

Harry grinned. "It was the best date I've ever been on. Will there be another?" he asked.

"I think so," Remus decided. "So…"

"Um…" Awkwardness had finally settled in. Harry held Remus' face in his hands and kissed him. He shivered when Remus ran the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip and he opened his mouth.

They kissed for a while until Remus pulled back to catch his breath, and Harry did the same, he felt dizzy and lightheaded. "Do you, um," Remus laughed nervously. "Do you…want to join me in my bedroom?"


End file.
